I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
