Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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