What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
