this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just want nice things and good sex
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
