my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
