they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize