Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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