something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
