is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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