I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
