I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
40s are totally the cure
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
