I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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