you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize