why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
