guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
