You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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