Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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