Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
