I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
