So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
