So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
