is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
