It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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