If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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