Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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