guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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