happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
