is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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