I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize