she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
