Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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