its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
