we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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