Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
