you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
