After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
