Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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