im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
