Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize