I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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