im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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