i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't deserve a penis
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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