I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
