guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
