My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize