Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
