I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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