oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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