I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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