Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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