Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
