Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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