Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
