i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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