If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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