We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
