Jerry, you need to find god
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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