what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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