My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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