Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
