Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
