I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In other news, I just burned my penis
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize