i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
