Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My vagina is very pro this idea
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
