Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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