after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
