he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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