brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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