Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
