Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
