remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
