Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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