even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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