New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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