I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
