i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i will never coherently bang her
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize