Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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