Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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