I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
