The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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